just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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