when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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