yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
