would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
