His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
