I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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