I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
