70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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