I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
