My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
