omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
