Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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