Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
