I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
