I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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