we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
