me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
