Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
