yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
