The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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