Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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