Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
