I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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