i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
