I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sobbing to NWA
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
