I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
is wine microwaveable?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
