wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
