apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
