So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
