Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
