Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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