I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize