I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
