drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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