now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I look better un-naked...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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