i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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