Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
