when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize