ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
