i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
