all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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