a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize