WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
