I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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