Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
