can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
