you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
