mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
