i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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