they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
