So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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