I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
