he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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