there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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