It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
