If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
