I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
