i jhust puked up my retainher.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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