My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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