i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize