You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sext me about skeletons
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am mentally ready for anal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
