Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we made out on top of his cat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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