Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize