What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
