omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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