The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
