I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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