You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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